My First Mother's Day

March of 2013, I thought I was finally going to have my Mother's Day as mother to Russell.  I spent so many years dreaming of the day I could be considered and called Mom.

 April, 2013 with Russell (Photo by Olivia Navarro Photography)

Then that dream was wrenched from me with the failed adoption.  Today I have thought of Little D. whom we fostered four years ago, and Russell.  I pray that they have loving mamas in their life.  I pray that they know a mother's love.  I forever hold these two boys in my heart.

The empty cradle of which I previously wrote, is empty no more.  I keep the cradle in my music studio in case Rose is in need of a place to sleep while I'm practicing or teaching.  My dream of having a child who will sleep in this generously gifted cradle has come true.

This year I have been blessed to finally celebrate my role as mother and have it be publicly recognized.  Less than two weeks after I turned 40 years old, I just had the most amazing first Mother's Day as mama to Rose, 2 months old.  I have received the most amazing outpouring of hugs, well-wishes, texts, cards, and Facebook posts and messages wishing me a Happy Mother's Day.

me holding newborn Rose (photo by Olivia Navarro Photography)

In e-mails from Rose's birthmother this past week, she expressed her excitement about my first Mother's Day.  I tried to remind her that I would not be Rose's mama if it were not for her.  I feel confident and secure in my role as Rose's mama and am not at all threatened by the presence of Rose's birthmother in our lives as many people fear when considering open adoption.  I honor her place in our extended family and in Rose's life.  I can't think of Mother's Day without thinking of her.

I sent a Mother's Day card with Rose's footprints to her birthmother.  Yesterday I opened the front door to find a box of flowers.  They were from Rose's birthmother and sister.  I was incredibly touched by this beautiful gesture and recognition of my new role as mama. 

Rose received her 2 month shots on Friday, so yesterday was an incredibly rough day as she was uncomfortable from the vaccinations.  I decided to leave her home with Mike this morning to rest instead of taking her to church with me.  I am a paid soloist at my church and was scheduled to sing today, so I went to church.  When I arrived at church this morning I received a text from Rose's birth grandmother wishing me a Happy Mother's Day.  How incredible is that?!

I then met Mike and Rose at Benihana's for a Mother's Day lunch.  Yummy!

We invited my cousin who recently moved to Colorado, and my aunt and uncle who happened to be in town over for dinner tonight.  It was lovely to be surrounded by family.  My uncle, the grandson of Rose's namesake, my great-grandmother Rosetta, told me stories of Rose's great-great-grandmother.  I was blessed to know her.  I called her Nana.  If I'm remembering correctly, she passed when I was around 5 years old.  She played an integral part in raising my mother.  My mother enjoys ironing, one of my most dreaded chores, because it was her grandmother who taught her how to iron.

 My great-granmother, Rosetta Norton Schneider's wedding photo.  She was married at the age of 15.

May 11, 2014: Me holding her great-great granddaughter, Rose Michaela

(my Uncle Douglas holding Rose just as she was letting us know she was tired and ready to start getting ready for bed)

 

 I baked a blueberry pie for dessert.  I felt even more connected to my family as I am a fourth generation pie baker, the tradition started by my great-grandmother Rosetta.  My daughter Rose will be the fifth generation of pie bakers.  I look forward to sharing this with her.  Of Filipino heritage by birth, I hope to learn some Filipino dishes to make with and for Rose.

I believe that adoption is not discussed more openly because unless you have experienced it, there is absolutely no way to relate.  How can anyone relate to the idea that we have an even larger family?  I honor Rose's birthmother and am forever indebted to her.  Not only for Rose herself, but for the gift of motherhood.  A dream I've had for so many years.  I relish in both the joys and challenges of motherhood; the smiles, the dirty diapers, the coos, the spit up, the shared naps and cuddles, the waking in the middle of the night.  As is often said, motherhood is the most challenging and rewarding job there has ever been.

I strongly feel that it is not the act of giving birth that makes you a mother, but I intend to bring Rose up with full knowledge of the amazing woman who gave her life.  I would not be a mother if it were not for the incredible love, physical, and emotional sacrifice made by Rose's birthmother.

An adoptive mom worries that she will not be recognized as mother.  A birthmother worries that her love and sacrifice will be forgotten.  Let us love and support both birth and adoptive mothers.  Both have different roles they are playing in the life of the child, but they are both mothers.  Both play an integral part in the life of these children.  Happy Mother's Day to all mamas out there.

Dear G., how can I say, "Thank you," for choosing me to be Rose's mother?  How can I thank you for the love you share and the sacrifice you made?  You are a beautiful soul to whom I will forever be indebted.

Our Life Forever Changed

Our life was forever changed on March 6, 2014 at 12: 11 a.m. with the birth of our daughter, Rose Michaela.

After the birthmother, G.,  had gone into the hospital multiple times, we decided to head out to Vegas for what seemed like would be the early arrival of our daughter.  G. went into the hospital twice on Wednesday, February 26th, but was sent home each time.  It appeared that things were happening, and soon.  So Mike and I packed up the car and headed out for the long drive to Vegas.  My parents drove from southern California to be with us. 

Nothing happened on Thursday the 27th, so we went to meet G. and her caseworker at a coffee shop on Friday, February 28th.  This was our first time meeting her in person.  We were both excited and nervous.  The meeting went very well and we were thrilled to have the opportunity to meet G. for the first time besides during the rush of labor and delivery.

Sunday, March 2nd, G. texted inviting us to attend church with her.  I was at first hesitant because I was under the impression that G. wanted to wait until after relinquishment paperwork was signed before we met each others' families.  We ended up accepting the honor of the invitation.  G.'s pastor said a prayer over us after the service.  We then went and met G.'s parents, 2 of her sisters, and her 6 year old daughter.  We then went out to dinner with them.  What an amazing and wonderful family! 

G. did share that she had been having strong contractions and her family actually took her to the hospital again after dinner, only for her to be sent home.

The baby hadn't yet come, so the next day, Monday, March 3rd, Mike and I met with G., her daughter, and my parents and went to the aquarium together.  We had a lovely time and had a photo taken together that is now on the dresser in the nursery.

This whole time, G. had a doctor's appointment on Wednesday, March 5th.  She told me that if things didn't happen before that time, she was going to ask the doctor to induce her.

Wednesday, March 5th came and early afternoon I received a text from G. letting me know that the doctor had stretched her cervix, meaning that she should go into labor or her water should break that day or the next.  Ouch!  Here we were going to become parents without the physical experience of pregnancy, labor, or delivery. 

My parents, Mike, and I were in the condo watching tv that night, March 5th, when we got the call from the caseworker telling us that it was Baby Time.  Mike and I packed our things and headed to the hospital.

We walked into G.'s room and she asked, "How are you?"  Are you kidding me, girl?!  Here you're in the middle of a contraction and in obvious pain, and you ask us how were are?!

We  spent some time in the waiting room with the caseworker and G.'s family and friends.  She had her mother and a friend in the delivery room with her.

Our daughter, Rose Michaela arrived at 12:11 a.m. on Thursday, March 6th.  She weighed 5 lbs. 8 oz. and measured 19 and 1/4" long.  G. did not want to hold or see Rose at that time.  She was born wide eyed and completely alert.  They wheeled Rose to the nursery where we were with her until we were kindly and gently scooted out by the nurses around 4 a.m. 

The hospital was going to provide us with a hospital room to be with Rose until relinquishment paperwork was signed, but there was not yet one available.  We ended up going back to the condo and slept a bit.  We returned to the hospital around 11 a..m.  My parents came to the nursery and were able to come and hold Rose.

Thursday, March 6th around 3 p.m. we were given a hospital room.  Nevada law states that the baby needs to be with the birthmother or in cradle care during those 72 hours before relinquishment paperwork is signed.  The hospital graciously allowed us to have a courtesy room for that time so we could be with Rose. 

Two of G.'s sisters, her mother, and her 6 year old daughter came to see Rose in our room that night.  It was lovely seeing the love that they have for Rose.  G.'s 6 year old daughter kept saying about Rose, "She's adorable!" 

The hospital room was not really comfortable or conducive to both of us sleeping there with Rose.  At that point in time my parents had to vacate the comfy condo with a full kitchen, washer and dryer, and go to a smaller hotel room.  It was good that I was in the hospital with the baby, as we would not have fit in the room.

My parents were wonderfully making food runs and running errands for us.  Mike spent as much time with us in the room as he was able to.

None of us are at all Vegas people, so my parents needed something to do to get out.  G. ended up coming by our hospital room a couple times before she was discharged on Saturday, March 8th, but didn't hold Rose.

At first we were unsure whether or not relinquishment paperwork would be able to be signed on Sunday the 9th or if it would have to wait until Monday the 10th.  It ended up working out that we were all able to sign the necessary paperwork on Sunday the 9th.

After we signed paperwork we went to the hospital and Rose was discharged.  At that time my parents we able to move all of us into a large 2 suite condo which would hold us all very comfortably.  We brought our daughter back to the condo.

We made arrangements with G. that she and her family could come over to the condo on Monday evening to see Rose.  G. came with her daughter, parents, and 3 sisters to visit.  My parents, Mike, Rose, and I got to spend some wonderful time with all of them.  We shared food they graciously brought us, talked, and took tons of beautiful photos.  Out of respect for the birth family's privacy, I will not share any of those photos in this post.

Mike, my parents, and I were just blown away.  We felt as if this get together with G. and her family truly redefined open adoption and extended family.  How could we be so blessed as to gain a daughter and this incredible family at the same time?!  A truly remarkable evening all around.

On Wednesday, March 12th, we received the phone call that we were able to leave the state of Nevada and go home.  We texted G. to see if she wanted to see Rose again before we made the trek back home to Colorado.  She told us that she felt as if she said her goodbyes on Monday and it wasn't necessary for her to see her again before we made our way back to Colorado.  Mike and I decided to get a start on the drive that evening, but a huge accident with a burnt semi made the progress slow and we ended up spending the night in Cedar City, Utah.

Thursday, March 13th we made it all the way home.  Wonderful Mike did ALL of the driving that day as I got to be in the back seat with Rose who was sound asleep the whole time, and got some sleep myself. 

We arrived home around 8 p.m. and brought our daughter home for the first time at one week old.

Open adoption is absolutely incredible!  In the 2 days we've been home, we've received a text from G.'s mother with some photos.  I've also set up a Dropbox folder for photos and have shared it with all of G.'s family.  This baby has so very many people who love her.  Open adoption doesn't threaten your position as parent.  It allows your child to know her history and background and to have a relationship with that family.  It allows your child to be the recipient of even more love from the extended family of both birth and adoptive families.  As I've said before, I am not at all of the belief that the birth of Rose and the placement of her with us as her parents is the end of this journey, but just the beginning.

Welcome, sweet Rose!  The light of my life.  I am so in love with you and am incredibly honored  and blessed to be your Mama!  Words can never express my gratitude and love to your birthmother for bringing you into this world and choosing us.  We love you all!